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Monday, March 2, 2009

A BOOK EXPERIENCE


This is a short post, though I will have more to post later...

Have not posted as I usually do on a daily basis lately..

I have actually worked TWO DAYS (amazing!) in the last 5 days...

One of those days, I find out that the end of March will be my last days at this hospital

Double crossed by a gorgeous, young, inept, and heartless manager

He is missing part of his soul but doesn't know it

I don't have time to help him, besides he will find it himself at a later date

Hurtful, but after a cathartic cry, I am okay

Don't know about tomorrow

Never have, so I'm not starting now

Heard from a dear friend today..Her hospital closed its doors as well...out of the blue

She was the major breadwinner in her family as well

Bless us all in these times of doubt and worry

BUT.......

Ya know what I like to do when things are going straight down for the gutter and beyond?

WHY READ OF COURSE!

And I am going to pass on to you one of my favorite reads of late

I love Biographies, and especially when they're about American Poets

This is one of those that when finished, left me wanting for more; lamenting its passing

The Biography is "SAVAGE BEAUTY" The life of Edna St. Vincent Millay

Author: Nancy Milford

Many of her poems "speak" to me...

One in particular is what I wish that I could convey to my Mother, when she asks me why it doesn't comfort me to know that if worse came to worse, I should feel very lucky to know that I will never be without a home as long as they have one...

I AM grateful, and feel lucky, but it just wouldn't work...

At this point in my life, and after so many years, with my extreme need for a great deal of time to myself, and a history of always having had my own home from a very young age, it would be a disaster, of which neither I or my sweet parents could tolerate...

There is a poem of Ms. Millay's that doesn't so much have verses that completely apply to my feelings, but there is an overall feel about it, that does very much , in the 2nd verse of the poem, entitled,


"IMMIGRANT"


Nothing in this house is of my making,

No one in this place is kin to me;

They know me not in sleeping or in waking,

I am alone in this great company


I want a fire that will be mine for raking,

I want a room that will know me for its own,

I want a love that will be mine for taking,

Strangeness and I have lived too long alone.


Yes, this is very close to my feelings...Thank you Ms. Millay

As far as my parents are concerned, their lives together and alone, along with their loving puppy, are perfect for them...They have their routines, their quiet and loving times together, and that's how it must stay.....


I am living in a temporary nightmare, but it is not stonger than I am...

Just seems that way sometimes

It cannot have all of my joy

It is here to see how I do

Not always well, thank you

Don't get comfortable

As you will not endure

I will





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