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Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Melodramatic thoughts/feelings of a Mother


Yes, I am up...I am up and thinking of a boy that I have missed for so very long...

A young boy who clung to me and my every word...
He was so shy then
The beautiful boy who thought that I was the funniest Mom EVER.....
Forever asking me to do routines written just for him, over and over.
We didn't have DVDS in back seats then
Mom WAS the entertainment
Nothing made me happier than to make him laugh
These were games just for him, while he rode in his chariot in the back seat

As he laughed, a deep and guttural sound came all the way down from his toes

He used to crawl up on my back and we would watch our favorite TV shows together



We don't like the same television shows anymore

I'm looking for my little travel companion of so many years ago

Where is he?

This must be some cruel act of nature

I'm not laughing

My sweet little caretaker when on occasion I was sick..

So excited to "get to make me" some hot orange tea

He brought it to me beaming from ear to ear



For years we traveled together to see such wondrous sights

Riding the wild rides

Laughing at improvisational troupes in New York

He loved to laugh

Where is that splendid laugh? I almost don't remember it...

Our hands hurt from all of the applauding at our favorite Broadway shows

Over Mountains, Oceans, Unknown Rivers, we explored together

Suddenly one day it came to a HALT



There were no sirens, no loud warnings

On some of our travels, towards the end, he wanted to go home

He wanted to hang out with his friends

Oh, and could we please not be away for holidays anymore?

He preferred them at home

Could he PALEEEESSSSEEE stay home during a school break instead of ALWAYS having to go away?!?



Not long after, there was a voice that emerged from him

A voice I didn't recognize.....This couldn't be his voice...Who was it?

It was sprinkled with DEFIANCE, and quick to ANGER...

A voice that didn't speak as much, but when it did, and when it angered , it was LOUD

As though THUNDER had surrounded the room

Patton had NOTHING on this kid



Now when I try to make him laugh, he tells me that I am not funny...

He finds my "humor" even CRUEL....

When I speak to him, at some point he will turn his head and say "What are you saying?"

Pushed into a corner WAY before my time



Where is my little friend?

Where is my son?

One time awhile back, a friend heard him speak to me over the phone

He had not seen him for a long time

He asked, "Who is that? Surely that can't be your son...Where is the nice, sweet boy?"


I told him that he was gone...


I hadn't seen him for quite awhile


I will never forget him, though


The BEST times of my life


I wonder if I knew that then?

1 comment:

Michelle said...

Nicole,

I can relate somewhat. My nephew turns 21 in November. I can remember rocking him in the rocking chair as he tugged on my hair. I remember his first steps, haircut,1st birthday, bike ride, kindergarden graduation, drivers lisence, prom, high school graduation, girlfriend, break up, and now he lives with me! So now I have over draft checking account, hang overs, pot charges, grades, and dirty underwear! Still the best of times!